I've been a bit quiet lately and thought I'd send an update of how things are going.
I've been trying to adjust to the new situation. Even though Stephen and I are not in a relationship anymore we still share a house (rental lease isn't finished until April next year).
Given the huge discrepancy in our incomes, Stephen is still paying most of the joint bills. Most of my meagre wages go towards my personal bills (loans, insurances etc) and paying back the money we borrowed from mum and Debbie.
Stephen's current contract (which he hates) finishes in 10 days. The only contracts he applied for are in Melbourne and Singapore. What this means for the cats and I? Well that depends on the length of contract.
If its a short term contract he will leave his stuff here and apparently help supplement the rent. I'll have to obviously pick up the rest of the bills, water, electricity, etc. Then apparently, Stephen will be back in March and then we pack up our respective stuffs, him off to wherever and I'll stay in Perth. Frankly I just can't afford to move anywhere else.
Stephen (as I now know) has a track record of moving on and leaving those he has left behind to pack and forward his stuff for him. He hates Perth, he currently hates me, hates the cats and hates his life. Once he leaves I cannot see him ever returning. Nor, (now knowing his fiscal responsibilities or lack thereof) do I really expect any assistance with the rent and bills once he leaves.
But frankly, with the situation as it is at the moment, I can't wait until he goes. He's stressed over the finances and wants to leave Perth so badly, that he's taking all the stress out on me and the cats (though not physically yet). When he leaves he will be happier; I'll be going deeper into debt but happier, and the cats will be happier.
14 comments:
For some reason, I can't change the text colour of the last paragraph, so you'll need to highlight it with your mouse to see it. Sorry.
Well Mel, I know you said that there were reasons etc but as far as I am concerned he is a complete dickhead and I have no regard for him at all. Now is there anything I can do to help. Perhaps I can help you look for something cheaper to move into or something. Anyway let me know and you know I will do what I can.
Others pack & send his stuff.....I don't suggest so. If he can't be arsed coming back, leave his stuff in WA. He hasn't earned it IMHO.
He's certainly been acting like a total dickhead for the last few days :(
He may surprise me and do the right thing, but I highly doubt it based on current and past form.
Thinking it might be better for me to break lease and find something else now and just be done with it all. I move now and take my stuff and he can put his in storage or whatever and its all his problem from then on forever.
Yes, Yes, Yes...I am so sad for you that it turned out this way, honey, but thank heavens you didn't actually get married and saddled with him for life.
I am also so glad that I live over here and nowhere near him. I know for sure I would have been done for GBH by now otherwise.
If there is any way you can move now, do so. This is dragging you down to such depths that I wonder how you will get back from it.
Is Abby his or yours?
I agree with you that it might be a good idea to leave before he does! Even if you have to put your stuff back in storage or give it all up and sell what you can, just get out of it!
I have Friday off, so I'm going to spend part of it setting up my search criterias and going house hunting.
I got home tonight after working until 9pm, to an apology. He admits he's been a bigger dickhead than usual the last few days.
Am very glad he realised...
ohhh self-aware dickhead, I suppose that's progress.
Mel, sod him. You do whats best for you and leave him to sort out his own life. If you can clear out and find somewhere else cheaper to live then do so. He's so "up himself" that its unbelievable. Thank God you never married.
Huge waves of hugs coming over the seas to you.
LOL at that phrase. Such a gem. You deserve so much better, Mel. I agree with the wise words above in making your break clean. HOnestly, he would expect you to mop up for him after he behaves so badly? At least you won't be in a cat custody battle. Go find a nice little place where you and the cats can be happy and dickhead-free.
I told M. DIckhead last night that I would be house hunting this weekend. He didn't offer to help :) but he did say he was relieved. He has an interview for a Singapore job on Monday and he plans on telling them he can be there as soon as they want him. Just packing a bag and getting on a plane. If I can be moved before then all will be good. If I can;t then I will be left on my own to tidy up affairs with current landlord, turning off amenities etc etc. And considering all of the bills other than the rent are in HIS name only ... that would be difficult.
He has admitted that he doesn't ever want to return to Perth, so putting his stuff in storage and getting it shipped later is his preferred. So I am making sure HE gets it into storage.
He has also admitted that he could not afford to fulfil any of the financial committments here as well as live elsewhere, so he is relieved that I will be independant and paying my own way.
As Julie said, he's becoming a self-aware dickhead. He's starting to learn that he cannot fulfil his promises.
He hasn't yet allowed himself to realise that he has been letting me down with unfulfilled promises all along the line.
Guess I'm buying my own birthday present this year :)
Coming in late on this but just a thought; he doesn't need a wife/girlfriend, he needs a mother or slave. Sounds ominously like the start of my stepfathers behaviour and I know no good will some of it. Does he show any reaction at all to your emotions or does he just shut it all out? Self awareness will only be a flicker as he cannot accept in himself the devastation that he has caused and is now in denial, hence the running away to Singapore. Sorry if I sound harsh but I've been dealing with the fall out of similar behaviour for 15 years but at least I wasn't dumb enough to marry it!
Definitely do what you need to do for YOU!! and do it NOW!!!! I'm cleaning up enough mess for both of us :). I, however, can afford it and decided that it was worth the price to just get things done, finished, over and move on... and not waste my precious energy on the negativity that would be required to try to get out of some of the financial obligations. (And truthfully, I could really have ended up with a worse deal since I make more than twice what he does.) You really have no legal responsibility for any of his obligations or STUFF, and there's no sense in you being a doormat and cleaning up behind him. If he gets the gig in Singapore, he needs to have his stuff stored or otherwise disposed of before he leaves, or you will just walk away and let what becomes of it happen.
As for buying your own birthday present - at least it will be something that is absolutely perfect for you! :)
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