... then you also know ignorance is not bliss.
So many stresses have been relieved in the past few days that I feel more cheerful and optimistic this morning than I have for quite a while. Mind you going out on the town last night with a gaggle of other single women (aged 30-45) from work last night and drinking cocktails probably helped too :)
Tumor on the Pituitary Gland. In summary, the tumor is a non-cancerous fluid-filled sack that is pushing my pituitary gland all out of shape, However my pituitary gland is still working well, so no surgery. Every 12 months I will need an MRI and some blood tests to confirm all is OK. As soon as the pituitary gland is not working properly, they will but me into surgery. According to the neurologist that might be in 50 years time.
Primary Chronic Daily Headaches. Innocuous sounding name for something that has been so painful for over two months continuously. I still need to do a LOT of reading up on this one, but the basics as I understand it (and please anyone with medical background please correct me if I'm wrong):
Stress causes headache causes broken sleep patterns causes stress plus headache which then causes sleeplessness which then exacerbates stress and headache and sleeplessness and the whole circle goes around and around getting more and more severe. It also brings on "medically induced emotional incontinence"; translation: I cry at the drop of a hat.
The neurologist has given me some medication from the tricyclics family to help break this vicious cycle. I also need to reduce the stresses in my life and once we get the dosage correct, this should all be over within the next six months.
As a couple of you know I am having major problems at work with my direct supervisor. She has now admitted in a meeting with our manager and HR that she considers me difficult to manage so she stopped trying and just ignored my presence.
Unfortunately for her, she also admitted that whenever I tried to talk to her about my medical condition and how its affecting my work she said "I don't want to hear about your personal life". This means she did not follow Occupational Health and HR procedures to inform our Manager and HR that I had a serious medical condition. Both HR and my Manager are well aware that my supervisor has left the organisation open to litigation if (as it has now been determined) the work situation exacerbated the medical condition.
HR and my manager have decided that for the organisation to redress this issue, I will be moved to a different branch, given a different supervisor and given different work for the next six months. The details are still to be negotiated but it looks like it will include a return to my forte of cataloguing and database integrity (work I love doing and can do in my sleep - yay!) and I will provide periodic written reports from my doctor to ensure that my work is not affecting my recovery.
I was also given on the spot approval for any leave I wish to take in the next six months. So I decided to take two weeks off work from the end of next week. I have work to do that cannot be just left, and I have a BIG week of work in early July, but I'm taking the two weeks off in between.
So definitely a win and I should be back to the bouncy Goth Tigger you all know and love within six months.
Unfortunately, as I have a predilection to headaches* and I am in a stressful situation both at work and at home** this situation is very likely to reoccur, so I need to make changes changes in my life.
This is where I still need to do a lot of research on this condition. The neurologist gave me a couple of medical papers and details of a book to read*** but basically I need to start my meditation again, institute a regular regime of exercise (when I am capable and not before) and move back to Sydney or Melbourne (a cosmopolitan city which contains many friends and is easily visitable by family).
So time to now put some quiet music on and give my house a thorough spring clean.
* I can tell the difference between a tension headache, a dehydration headache, eyestrain and migraine
** apparently living on your own with no close friends or family and where the primary culture is an anathema to you is considered a stressful situation
*** because I'm a librarian he gave me the ISBN - he looked so proud of himself :)
21 comments:
Sounds like you have a plan in place, now all you need to do is work it. End result should be normal service being resumed.
I'm reet chuffed for you.
So glad to hear things can be fixed, even thought it'll take some work to get there. Keep us in the loop and if I can be of any help, make sure you let me know.
So amused by the doctor being proud of having the ISBN to give you. How cute.
May this be the beginning of better times.
And the *really* good news to top off the week - I changed Trubs brand of cat food and she actually likes it :) :)
I'm glad to hear the upper management is going to do something to help you. Hope the new job duties are more to your liking - it sounds like they will be. And congratuations finding Trubs some new food!!
Well, as you've had just one thing after another in recent months, it is so good to hear that several of those things are identified and on their way to resolution! I hope the job realizes it's full potential ASAP!!!
Glad to hear the news is good for a change and that you are feeling more positive. Looking forward to getting the real you back some time in the not too distant future.
Amitryptiline for the sleep? Sounds like the neurologist is pretty clued up and empathetic so that is a big battle won. I agree with him on all points am so incredibly pleased that the solution is relatively simple.
I'm so pleased that you have not only found the cause (and the solution) but that you've finally got some support at work.
Oh, and I vote MELBOURNE as soon as you can afford it. We'd love to see you closer to us. But don't rush it, get your things in order, otherwise the move will cause more stress, heartache & you'll spend the next 6 months trying to dig yourself out of a whole new hole.
Sounds like a plan! I would like to get the old bouncy Goth Tigger back, but a healthy Gothy is more important to me. :)
If you happen to have reached a point where you cry at the drop of a hat then I would think that just seems the peak and the summary of all that life handed to you in the past few years. Anyone with a proper heart and soul would!!!
I'm SO glad and even more relieved that quite a number of your problems seem to find solutions now, especially the medical ones. It's hard to have such a rigid supervisor, but she certainly seems to have been handed her dues by your upper management. Sounds reasonable to me!
And by the time your medical situation gets better you might actually see a way back to Melbourne or Sydney :-)
Gentle hugs!
In the way life works, I put my car in for a service today and found out it needs a new steering rack - there goes another $1150.00.
Sooner or later I'll get to pay off my debts so I can the move home .....
More hugs then!
I know how that feels... had to replace the cylinder head seal on mine a few weeks ago - similar price range :-(
Today was hard. It was my last day at Altone Park, but the supervisor had not told any of the staff that I wouldn;t be coming back. I was under a confidential seal that she had to tell them as it is HER branch.
All day staff watched me pack up my office, take my folders as well as everything personal. Nobody asked. Nobody asked a single question, even when I walked out the door at 5:50pm.
I was asked if I was coming to the all-staff lunch next weekend. I said that I had been told it would be more comfortable for all concerned if I stayed away. There was a collective sigh of relief.
I admit that hurt. That hurt a lot.
As Clara said "its only you Mel. Katy only feels threatened by you and attacks you. Without you, she'll go back to being nice and it will be a good branch to work in again". And the sad thing is she is right. Until they make the mistake of putting another assertive person under Katy's management.
So incredibly tired and incredibly sad and lonely this evening.
Is she any good as a supervisor? From the POV of the branch, not from your POV...
If someone feels threatened by an assertive person there's usually some reason for the supervisor to be afraid. Meaning that they probably know they don't measure up.
For a lot of them, she has been their only supervisor. They don't know if she is good or bad, she is simply all they know. I have had good supervisors and I do push her. When she lies I call her out. When she blames people for doing exactly what she asked them to do, I stand up for them.
As Stephen will attest, I've tried to do this to the best of my diplomatic abilities. Often coming home and crying because I've let something go rather than fight it. Katy knows I have done her job for years and in a variety of organisations. She has only worked in this organisation and worked her way up the levels.
When I ask OK how do you want me to handle X she responds with, "well its obvious, do it this way!' When I gently point out that when I've dealt with this before, I have tried this seven different ways with the following pros and cons. Her response is to say "I told you, do it my way!" When it goes wrong she says "I didn't know that was going to happen - how could I have known that?"
And its just gotten worse as time went on. She simply put me in the too-hard basket and stopped talking to me at all. Then refused to discuss my medical issues and refused to report them up the chain. Now she's refusing to sign my overtime slips and is sooo snippy whenever my name is mentioned.
I'm tired and would like a grown-up as a supervisor please.
Time to take the easy path, chill out and let the others take the load for a while.
That IS a very tiresome boss :-(
I just hope that there is SOME higher up management that sees your qualities and puts you in a position like hers once. But then you might run into similar problems as your staff back in Sydney :-(
If she was scared that you wanted her position then there was no way of coming through. You could have promised her you weren't for ages she would never have believed you.
Wasted opportunity to learn for her. She could have SO profited from your experience, instead she chose to belittle you and lord over you. I'm so sorry for you, Sweetie!
One of the older wiser librarians at work has just returned from 4 months long service leave. She invited me to work at her branch yesterday so we could have long chat. In a nutshell she advised me of the learning curve for me of working under a less-experienced supervisor. She said it was like raising children, that you felt the pain of watching them make their mistakes, wishing you could just yell out "learn from me, I made those mistakes years ago" but instead you have to watch them make those mistakes for themselves. And just like a parent, you are the one they rail against!
And as a parent, we are not to give up hope that the child hasn't learned from her mistakes yet, Some mistakes we repeated, we didn't learn the first time, and the same is true here.
It was an interesting insight into the dynamics I've been having with my supervisor. Also a very interesting subtext that I was put there as an oppotunity for her to grow and expand her abilities ....
On leave now (except for a desk shift tomorrow) and then to a new supervisor in two weeks. A more experienced supervisor.
That was wonderful advice! I'd never have made that connection, but I think this was a discussion that must have helped you, too, because obviously you wouldn't have thought about it that way either.
Hope you can enjoy your leave! Should do some good for your medical problem as well. Go out and walk a lot!
Mel - I'm glad you've gotten some answers and I hope you find ways to reduce your stress!
Here's to hoping that the changes help.. and that you continue to make progress with getting the medical stuff squared away!
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