I was chatting with a friend the other day and the topic of gifts came up. Well considering how many birthdays are in October and then we have the big C-word shortly its not surprising the topic came up :) :)
{I gotta stop being friends with so many Librans and Scorpians}
Anyway the topic came up of passing on used or castoff items as gifts. The question was centered around high end electronic equipment like Blackberry's, iphones, eBook readers. Basically the question was, if you upgrade these, can you give the old one away as a gift? And if so is it bad form to wrap it and give it a big present ie Birthday or Christmas.
My thoughts were of course its OK! But then we all know I'm an exceedingly materialistic person and also I grew up in a cash-poor extended family where castoffs were a natural order of the day.
I think when I was growing up the only clothes that were not hand-me-downs or out of thrift shops were my Sunday Best and my school uniforms.
So to me it is natural to pass on cast-offs, especially expensive equipment. If for example Stephen was up to upgrade his Blackberry and give me his old one as a Christmas present I would be delighted !!! (No that's not a hint honey!). The way I see it, its an expensive gadget that I'd like but I could not ever justify the expense of buying one for myself. So I see no problems there.
But am I out of touch with modern society? If I did that to someone else, would I be sneered upon and treated as a social outcast, because I snobbishly passed on my castoffs instead of spending "real" money on a gift?
Curious to hear other people's point of view.
There are no wrong or right answers and no-one will be chastised for their opinion - I am just curious as to how others view this issue? What would Dear Abby say? {Besides "Hi Gibbs"}
On a smaller scale would the same opinions hold for say cross stitch charts? I have some originals in my stash that I have opened and looked at but never stitched. Is it OK to wrap them and send as a Christmas Present? Or should they "just" be sent as a RAK? What about used charts? What's the current policy on the etiquette of sending them? Big Present or RAK? What about UFOs?
Look forward to seeing some opinions on this one - I am honestly really curious as I know there are many areas of life where I am out of step with current conventions .....
24 comments:
I don't think it is materialistic. In fact, it is eco friendly by not having these things sit in a landfill. But I was also brought up to believe that it really is the thought that counts. So, if you saw a chart or something else that you had, and you did not want it anymore, but knew that I would love it, and you sent it on, I would simply be touched that you had thought of me. But again, maybe it is my upbringing. I am also not "with it" in terms of trends. In fact, I used a phrase at work the other day and one of the teachers said "why do you talk like that? I have never heard anyone use that phrase. Only in books about 2 centuries ago". So, in terms of current conventions....I guess I am no help :)
Hmmm, interesting!! Having been raised as the Getter of the Cast-offs myself (the last of 4 kids - though the one before me was my brother - loved those hand-me-down clothes...), and as 85% of the furniture in my house is second-hand from various family, I see no problem in it. BUT, the girl I work with - OMG, she would be so very offended by even the thought (we've had a very similar conversation). But she also gets highly offended when her kids don't get her anything for her birthday, and in the same breath, can tell you how they aren't able to make ends meet or whatever, and their kids are eating macaroni every day. So I guess it depends a bit on the possible recipient. And, if you are unsure of the recipient's possible reaction, maybe not wrapped, but with a great card, maybe??
But I do tend towards social retardism, so I could be wayyyy off base - if the 15 yo was here and NOT mad at me because I just told him he had to come home, I'd quiz him....
Works for me. But I would choose carefully who to give such gifts to.
Personally, I wouldn't be offended. My Dad regularily upgrades his phone and annoyingly passes his old one to my youngest sister about every 6 months or so. I'm like Karen - over 85% of the furniture in my house is cast off from family or friends. I figure why buy nice stuff while the kids are small, destructive and living at home? I figure when I retire, I'll buy nice furniture and decorate in the way I want to. Both my sister's are highly offended by hand-me-downs or castoffs - my one sister won't take any of my baby clothes because BIL is so anti-used ANYTHING...
I think to gift something that's been used, you really need to know the person you are giving it to very well. I would never give something that wasn't new to my sisters, but a couple of my good friends would be fine.
Well, you know I'm a bit of a techno-geek, so no, I see nothing wrong with passing along electronics when you upgrade. With the exception of the Q, every time I moved up a phone, Mom got the old one. The Q I gave to one of my favorite former coworkers. Charts? New, used, doesn't matter to me. If it's something you think I'd like, or want, wouldn't have an issue there, either.
Did you ever receive the "How do I love thee" chart ?????
I don't think I have a view either way on this, he said firmly on the fence!
Oh Jim - there's no fun in that !!! Seriously - I'm just curious!
Mel, I regularly give charts that I have in my stash as presents. If I know that someone has really coveted a particular chart and I have either stitched it or can't see myself using it then I give them as presents to my friends. They have to me and I am equally chuffed when they do. As to the electrical equipment.....Mine is generally knackered when I update so it isn't givable. I did buy Jacob a very old MAC for Christmas present several years or so ago. He asked for it and chose it. I have a budget for presents and if they choose they choose within that budget so it if is second hand then it is second hand.
I'm going to give a firm it depends. Charts, books, pass them along as gifts esp. when its friends with similar interests. Where I am a little more iffy about it is when it is someone really close to you....to say pass along the old cell phone to your significant other and say Happy Birthday when you just bought yourself a new upgraded phone is not really a way to say 'I love you". They just gave you something they didn't want anymore. A nice just because gift but not a nice special occasion gift. Now my brother did give me his Xbox for Christmas one year.....but it included a brand new game that I wanted. That was a nice hand me down gift. Generally speaking, I love handme downs. I'm looking forward to my mom's birthday. My brother is getting her a new rig shampooer. I'm taking the old one off her hands
Personally I wouldn't give a gift of a "used" item, but I'm a vicious recycler. All clothes [unless they have holes in.. ahem...] are given into charity shops and any electronic gadgets are recycled as well.
I don't see anything wrong with giving used presents, but you'd miss out on the thrill of shopping!
Mel - I guess my thought is it depends on the condition of the item, and how's it's presented. For example my girlfriend wanted a small bistro set for a corner of her patio. Her MIL for her birthday gave her their old one and said something to the effect of....it was to expensive to buy you one so just painted our old one. This was after spending $$$$ on another family member. I'm with Jim - it really depends.
I'm with Stephanie on this one. I would definitely give someone my used phone - but NOT as a special occasion gift - although maybe if you included a bazillion new gadgets that went with it :-} Used books, charts (you know - the useless clutter :P no bitterness here) can definitely be passed on as gifts to friends/relatives who will enjoy them. Stick in a card and a brand new skein of floss or bookmark and you're good to go!
Well, I am the queen of wishy-washy, but here goes:
An item of value, such as a Blackberry, computer, etc, while still having value, should be given new. That way, any technical issues that arise can be dealt with without a feeling of "you gave me your old, broken shit". No backfiring.
Things of a less fragile nature, i.e. cross stitch charts, would be dependent on the recipient. I would be thrilled with 2nd hand books, charts, music, clothing, etc. from friends, but I know some people that would be deeply offended to get anything 'not new', regardless of the spirit with which it is given.
Here's my two cents. If it's the *right* present for a person it doesn't matter whether you've bought it or recycled it. This is just an example: if you sent me 2 of your cat patterns for my birthday I'd be thrilled, but if you sent me the 2 dress patterns, I'd be thinking she must be cleaning out her closet.
Any cat patterns in particular ???
Tain't my birthday.
I need to work up to these things - if you tell me now, you might actually get them for your birthday. Tell me on your birthday and you're out of luck :) :)
As the original 'other person' in the discussion, I was asking Mel about this. I am considering upgrading my ebook reader, and Mel has indicated in the past that she would like one but could never justify the cost. If I upgrade, my current reader would just sit there unused, so I asked if she would like it for Christmas.
My take on it is that everyone's happy that way. :-)
I'm sure you would be regarded as old-fashioned by many, Mel. Not by me though, I'm that old-fashioned, too.
Hand-me-downs are just as fine as any other gifts if they're given away with maybe the necessary explanation or just in between birthdays and other festive occasions. I don't think I'd be miffed at anyone giving me an electronic gadget that this person replaced, but if it were given as a special occasion project I might have a niggling feeling that I'm maybe not worth that person's "full" attention for the occasion.
I've given away numerous things. Two weeks ago my neighbour asked me if I had any saucepans that I didn't use anymore, but that were still usable. Her daughter is moving out and collects stuff for her new flat. I actually happened to have one pot that I had thought of putting away. I haven't done that because it's not one I like and because I never use it myself, so I couldn't really justify throwing it away. Now it may still be used at least for a while. More justification when Aki finally does throw it out :-) (she's a great cook, by the way)
Not really a gift that came from me, because my neighbour asked, but then again I could have say, no, I haven't, and thrown the pot away quietly.
The gift and the recipient should fit together - especially when it's a cast-off. If you know the person is right for the item then yes, it works.
Before giving something of that kind away I would talk to the prospective recipient and get their reaction. I wouldn't try to "surprise" anyone with a cast-off. Then you know beforehand that the gift will be received in the same spirit in which it has been given!
I must be terribly old fashioned but I think this is just fine. But then I wear clothes and shoes until they fall apart. My definition of smart casual is anything without holes in it! My sister is giving me an ornament for Xmas that she hates but I really like.
I'm not proud, heck I'll even go skip diving if I see something I need and someone else has chucked!
Apart from a cooker, a computer or two and a washing machine, I've never bought anything new. I can't see why I would want to when I can get the same item a few months down the line for peanuts. Before anyone labels me tight - I grew up poor and I'm far from comfortable now so needs must.
If you can see see a match between and item and a recipient, then send away, especially if it is stash!
I'm pretty firmly in the "it depends" category with the rest. Something like what Stpehanie's brother did with the used console and a new game she really wanted would work for me. And I think Sisu has a good point, too, about warranties and such. For Christmas or a birthday, I think I'd feel a bit odd giving something like my phone after I've upgraded. But for a "just because I know you'd like this" type thing, I'd definitely pass a phone or computer along.
In general, I have NO problem with hand-me-downs. I grew up with them and loved wearing things that my cousins had had before me, because they came from them. And of course, I love it when someone passes along a book, a chart, a thread or something else because they either finished it, or it doesn't suit them and they know I'd love it.
Being as tight as the proverbial fishes a...e myself I certainly dont have a problem with giving away items you have either upgraded or collected and never used. My dearly departed mother (sarcasm at its greatest) gave me back for many years the present I had painstakingly shopped for the previous year. So Mel, if you have a couple of dozen or so charts, a packof fabric and a huge bundle of threads you find you dont want you know my address.
You're in my will Kay :)
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